Life After Death

In the physics and math library of a university I don’t attend,

waiting in the quiet, pretending, I fit in here too.

We thought I should get out, get some air

look for work from in here

or someplace similar.

And there are long lengths of books that smell as books should

but say something new and not fiction.

I’d get lost inside tangents and cotangents

Greek symbols meaning actions, meaning

do something.

Analytic geometry and calculus.

I have that book on my shelf.

on my desk next to html and German and French

and other things I should learn but haven’t yet.

Inside are problem sets and explanations.

And in the margins, on occasion,

a small pencil mark, a circle round a question,

A scrap of paper with a calculation.

These are yours and Mom’s too, according to the two names

scrawled on the inside cover.

You were good at this

space in which I’m an imposter.

Where I sit hands open to equations with proofs.

And what do I do?

The proof of life after death is an equation about energy,

where life is energy and death

And the symbols are actions unknown yet.

You were good at this too.